Recently, the topic of suicide has come up in the media because of the recent death of Canadian teen Amanda Todd. For those who are not familiar with the story, I’m not going to rehash what happened and instead recommending reading her story, as well watch the YouTube video that made her famous. In the aftermath of this tragedy, Amanda Todd has become a symbol for the bullying epidemic that is obvious in our society, with the story of the events that led up to her suicide being used as a wake up call by the media to rally up against bullying.
This blog not really about Amanda Todd, as the events surrounding her death have been covered and talked about to death. Recently however, in the wake the media coverage of her death, many people have decided that it would be appropriate to post derogatory remarks and pictures about Amanda Todd herself. It’s almost if even when she’s dead, people still want to make her life a living Hell. It has gotten so bad that in a recent news story from CBS, the family of Amanda Todd pleaded that people stop posting bullying her and degrading her in the wake her death.
On Facebook, there are people who post their negative and degrading views about Amanda Todd in the form of spewing graffiti on her memorial pages, and posting memes of her in the attempt to paint her in a negative light.
Let’s take this picture as an example:
I don’t need to explain why I blacked out and censored this photo to demonstrate what I’m talking about. The obvious intent of this photo was to get a negative reaction out of people who are mourning over Amanda Todd’s death.
One interpretation of the photo that I’ve read was stated this (and I quote):
“the picture is showing how the people who bullied her should not be held accountable for HER action. [The bullies’] evil was the utter disrespect of another human being. Her evil was the murder of herself. She should not be held responsible for their actions. They should not be held responsible for her action.” [end quote]
The problem with this interpretation of the picture is even if this was the message the picture was trying to come across (I don’t agree that it is but I’ll leave that aside for now), the offensiveness of the picture will not get that message across in a positive or effective way, regardless of your intent. Imagine, for sake of argument, that it wasn’t Amanda Todd in that photo but was your sister, or your mother, even if a close female friend. Presentation matters; rhetoric matters. Without that, you end up with photos like these, regardless of their intent, that spread more disgrace to the victim. You might as well spit on Amanda Todd’s grave because her “choice” to commit suicide means that we shouldn’t mourn her death or feel sorry for this tragedy. If you don’t believe me, I recommend looking at the comments that were left on this picture.
This is the kind of mindset that brings bigotry, hatred, and ignorance, and it does nothing to to either prevent bullying or to stop people from committing suicide. This is merely a sample of the kind of stigma people (such as Amanda Todd for example) have to face when having to deal with issues that ultimately lead them to make the “decision” to commit suicide.
The reason why I use Amanda Todd as a example is because she is the perfect archetype of many, many people, especially people who are in their early to mid teens, or even their late teens and early twenties, who have made the decisions in their life prior to their suicide that have caused many people to disown them, disrespect them, or even bully them. Amanda Todd was certainly no saint; she made decisions that ultimately lead to many people to bully her to the point of suicide. That I won’t dispute. But in this society, there are people who will use that against her, ultimately as an excuse not to recognize her victimhood. The stigma is still indadvertedly supported.
The reason why I use Amanda Todd as a example is because she is the perfect archetype of many, many people, especially people who are in their early to mid teens, or even their late teens and early twenties, who have made the decisions in their life prior to their suicide that have caused many people to disown them, disrespect them, or even bully them. Amanda Todd was certainly no saint; she made decisions that ultimately lead to many people to bully her to the point of suicide. That I won’t dispute. But in this society, there are people who will use that against her, ultimately as an excuse not to recognize her victimhood. The stigma is still indadvertedly supported.
It reminds me of the slogan that gets passed around online, which goes like this:
"That girl you called a slut in class today. She's a virgin. The "gay boy" you punched in the hall today. Committed suicide a few minutes ago. The boy you called poor. He has to work every night to support his family. That girl you pushed down the other day. She's already being abused at home. That girl you called fat. ...She's starving herself. The old man you made fun of cause of the ugly scars. He fought for your country. The boy you made fun of for crying. His mother is dying. You think you know them. Guess what? You don't!"
This statement gets passed around with the intent of encouraging people to not bully and stop people from bullying themselves, but the statement is true because it exposes the black and white thinking many people develop when it comes to understanding others. It’s this black and white thinking that encourages bullying, and it stigmatizes people who do suffer from mental illnesses such as clinical depression and anxiety disorders, and it ultimately makes people become less understanding and sympathetic to people who do commit suicide. According to some of these people, it was YOUR choice to end your life, therefore you’re not truly a victim. Oh you’re depressed; therefore you should get over it. Stop being so sad. Suicide is merely a way to find an escape from your problems, just like drugs and alcohol. If you’ve never personally struggled with any sort of mental issue such as Clinical Depression or a anxiety disorder, you have no idea how personally offensive this is.
I don’t say all this as an outsider. I speak from personal experience when I say all this. Suicide most of the usually comes at the result of mental issues such as clinical depression and anxiety disorders and even as the result of environment, as well as psychology. I’m not talking about people who commit suicide because they want to escape the consequences of shooting up a school; I’m talking about people who commit because it came as the result of a downward spiral that was beyond their control, such as bullying or at the result of suffering from mental illnesses that require treatment. The difference between physical pain and mental pain is that physical pain (such as a broken leg or a broken arm) take only a specific amount of time to heal, whereas mental pain such as clinical depression or anxiety disorders are things that don’t heal overnight, usually either taking years and years for many people, and for some people, it may never heal at all. It’s why the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words may never hurt me,” is complete BS. Suicide usually comes as the result of the person coming to the extreme conclusion of a psychological torture in the mind that we may never fully understand.
As someone who suffers from Clinical Depression, I understand all this far too well. I’ve had suffered form depression and bouts with suicide for years, having had my official diagnosis back in January. I had almost committed suicide back in March. I was very close to doing it too. The urge of suicide is not a laughing matter. Depression, feelings of helplessness and suffering will cause one to seriously consider suicide. Once that happens, the thought of suicide will plague your mind like a virus and will slowly and slowly take over your mind. You will feel like the entire world is against you with no way out. Some people do end up seeking help and getting treatment, but some people do not have the luxury of seeking treatment. Sometimes people who struggle with thoughts of suicide see treatment as something that will make their pain worst, as part of a conspiracy to make them feel like they were to blame for their own suffering. To people like Amanda Todd, to seek treatment was to embrace a stigma about herself that would make her feel like life was even more unbearable. Once someone fully develops this mindset, it becomes difficult, if not outright impossible, to get them out of it and to get them the help they need. This is why suicide is a tragedy, not just because it takes away a life, but also because the suffering that inflicts on a person develops into the thoughts of suicide that will engulf its victim and kill them. For people who commit suicide, the proper response is not scorn or victim blaming. The proper response is mourning and comforting the families, letting them know it was not their fault, and that the person who committed suicide didn't do because they were "being selfish." They did it because it came as the result of downward spiral that the victim could not get out of. The kind of suffering that we could never fully understand because of the suffering taking place in the depths of the person's mind. This is why that it’s a major problem is that people see suicide as merely a "choice.” Oh suicide victims aren’t really victims because they made the choice to end their life. You can’t be a victim if the decision to end your life was ultimately yours. You committed the great evil of self-murder, therefore you’re not a victim to begin with. This approach a simplistic, insensitive, and ultimately harmful to people who do sincerely struggles with these issues. It's not just simply a "choice," no matter how anyone wants to word it or describe it. It's a choice that is influenced and factored beyond your control (psychology, environment, mental illness, etc.). When someone has come to the conclusion that suicide is the only option, that should be your clue that something is seriously wrong mentally with that person, and attempts at suicide are person's cry for help. It's a breakdown of the will and the mind, and one where someone in this state is already in the mindset that suicide is the only way that person is fit for. When you have your brain and your body telling you that you are worthless, that you have no value, you have come to the strong belief that everyone around you is against you (including God himself), and that you have intense urges to end your life, that's when you know something is wrong with you. It's not that you start entertaining the idea of suicide; it's that the idea of suicide starts clouding your mind and tormenting you, and affecting your actions because of the amount of psychological pain you are going through, gradually getting worse and worse. You feel like you can't live another day, and in extreme cases (like how I experienced) you feel your entire body shut down to the point where you end up having true, nervous breakdown; you can't function, can't think, and are simply not your normal, functioning self. This is why I reject vehemently the idea that suicide is just merely a "choice" as it can come at the result of external factors that harm you mentally, leading to a psychological torment that is beyond your understanding. When someone does commit suicide, yes it is proper to call them victims, and it is proper to mourn them and see them as what they are: victims. Not to glorify them, but to mourn their loss and honor their memory, especially within the family, and to use it as a reason to try and help people better understand and treat people who go through this. And until people realize this, until people start understanding and educating themselves about the reality of mental issues such as depression, anxiety, the effects of bullying, and having a better understanding of what goes through the minds of suicide victims and showing a little more proper respect to people who do legitimately suffer from this, this is issue that will not ever go away. Because ultimately this is a tragedy that can happen to anybody. It can happen to a co-worker or a peer. It can happen to your best friend. It can happen to a brother or sister or even a cousin. But most of all. . . it can happen to you.
Video version of this blog can be watched right here:
On Suicide